In 2015, I was a senior in college, wrapping up my Bachelor of Arts in History. It feels silly to call myself a senior in college at the time, as I had only graduated high school in 2013, but a combination of Advanced Placement credit, dual enrollment classes, and two 18 credit hour semesters, I was wrapping up the required courses for my degree after only 2.5 years of study. I was married that summer. Young love! We were high school sweethearts and knew nothing of real life, but onward we marched into shared life together. Our upbringings were such that marriage seemed the only way forward. He was a farm hand; I was a restaurant hostess on the weekends and full time student during the week, and added in 10 hours at a local gift shop as well.
It was an easy semester in terms of class load-only 15 credit hours. One of the classes though, was Historiography. Not REAL historiography, mind you, but rather this is what they called the class in which one wrote their senior thesis of sorts. A 20 page paper, due to the head of the department, the toughest professor who I had the previous spring semester. I was terrified. I had to come up with a topic first, then research, then write the paper, then present it to the class and department representatives. I laid awake so many nights, crying from stress and imposter syndrome. But a topic was found and I forged ahead. By the end, I felt rather confident overall, though I knew my research was spotty due to limited resources in the university library. I had no idea what I was going to do after graduation in December.
At Thanksgiving, I found out I was pregnant. The week after, I wrapped up my assignments. It took an all night-er and 30 pages, but I wrote that paper. I graduated summa cum laude and prayed I wouldn't throw up in the middle of the ceremony.
Motherhood was something I very much desired, but the reality of it has been shocking. My personal life, though rich and rewarding, has rather put my professional ambitions on hold. It a way, it's what I wanted. 5 years after graduation, and I am still not sure what I want to do when I "grow up". Academia is not likely to be in the cards, but that does not mean I cannot research and write informally. So, here we are. Largely I hope to examine motherhood historically, as modern motherhood is so, so different, with much higher standards it seems than the mothers before us had to endure.
